Here Was My Problem...

Here was my problem:

Who is that looking back at me? 

I didn’t like my job but...I had a great title and made good money. I wanted to do something else but...I doubted I could make enough money doing it.

I never felt like I had enough time. I was burned out. I procrastinated. I was tired.

I drank too much alcohol. I was overwhelmed.

I wasn’t overweight but I wasn’t my ideal weight.

I had health challenges but they weren’t life threatening.

Things weren’t horrible but they weren’t great either. I didn't know myself. Looking back, I don’t know if I even liked myself.

I longed to know who I was, what I was supposed to be doing on this earth and how to do it.

I was cloudy and clueless how to take care of myself

Here’s what I discovered:

I felt like a contradiction.
I was a contradiction.

I believed in one thing and did another.

I used to feel stuck.

I hit my “breaking point”.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

There had to be another way to live.

But I had no idea where or how to start.

At my "breaking point" I was enraged but put up a facade that everything was fine. Working in the pharmaceutical industry, but a personal proponent of alternative healing, I judged physicians as hypocrites, eating unhealthy foods, breathing cancer into their lungs and being flawed with personal challenges like the rest of us when they were supposed to be the experts and way-showers of health and well being. 

Then I looked at the projection, I was judging myself as being a hypocrite; I wasn’t sharing the success I’d experienced in curing my own health conditions with nutritional and alternative therapies. I wasn’t sharing how I’d gotten sober, lost weight, learned to love myself and find peace inside. I wasn’t being a way-shower.

~ 

What did I do?

I made a conscious effort to re-educate, learn and implement health and well-being. And I’ve had opportunity to do a lot of it the past 10 years... 

Health transformations: 

• Meniere’s Disease – After a year of denial, I was diagnosed at age 15, healed through diet, nutrition and ultimately reading self help books by age 24.
• Benign Tumor – A lump that grew over the course of three years was finally removed from my body at 20. This was the first time I realized that my choices could create disease in my body.
• Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome – diagnosed at 19 and healed through acupuncture, diet, owning my femininity and creativity by age 28.
• Migraines – These pesky headaches started debilitating me at age 22, resist to taking medication they were cleared through nutrition and Reiki by age 23.
• Angry and sad (aka depressed) – I finally stopped being angry at myself and accepted and allowed myself to feel my full range of emotions by age 25.
• Alcoholism – I realized although I was highly functional, alcohol was toxic for my mental clarity and emotional happiness and got sober at age 27.

Work transformations:

• I changed my professional schedule so that I can be healthier without loosing my edge, success or income. I actually have more edge, experience more success and celebrate more income as a result because I am in alignment – my inner beliefs match my external actions whether I am coaching a client or consulting in pharmaceuticals.

Human or Chimp ?

Mental and Emotional transformations: 

Planting new seeds

I had to challenge and change deep-seeded beliefs that I bought into growing up in my family and society. Choosing health has become a process of deprogramming and return to what my body innately already knew how to do.

As a result of healing, I’ve come to see western physicians for who they are – first and foremost human beings who have human lives, strengths and weaknesses, second professionals who are trained to diagnose based on symptoms and manage those indications. And I’ve come to see myself, everyone, for who we are – doing the best we know how to do with the information we have at any given moment. I was able to soften and see the beauty in human imperfection, the medical system’s imperfections, the pharmaceutical industry’s imperfections, and as a result, come up with solutions.

Whispers were quiet, like a butterfly's wings dusting my lips

I’ve come to equanimity. I've gotten clear on what I am supposed to do with what I’ve learned from my career in the pharmaceutical industry. I’ve finally listened to the quiet and delicate whisper inside of me. Most people know they are unhealthy, just like I knew, but they don’t know how to start. I'm here to help others get started.

How do YOU get started?

How do we get healthy? Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, financially, professionally?

• Slow Down: I’ve come to learn that it’s all about slowing down, attuning, listening and taking action on what my own inner physician tells me. This is like any other habit – it gets easier the more you practice. If I slow down enough in my daily life, if I reflect on what was going on before I got sick, I will notice patterns that I can be proactive about in the future.

I know. Taking a pill is easier, cheaper and faster. The results are immediate. I had a client recently tell me that she’s become a germ-a-phobic because she can’t afford to take the time off from work.

Pills - Breakfast of Champions

In a culture of immediate gratification, a pill is attractive. But is the pill healing me? No. The pill is preventing me from doing what my body is begging me to do – STOP. REST. Resting, restoring, relaxing have become underrated words and choices in our culture. 

• A simple cold and sinus congestion now means exactly that to me – my body’s energy has become congested, too much is going on, and it needs me to stop and rest.
• A headache, a pain in my head, means exactly that – my body’s energy has become pressurized in my mind and my brain is overthinking, over analyzing, its exhausted.
• Antidepressants support individuals (myself included) through a challenge, and within time, wean off and implemented alternatives like yoga, meditation, therapy, spirituality and self-counseling.

Seeing both the torture and relief that subjects endure while enrolled in clinical trials, observing the examples above, I know there are a time and a place for prescription drugs.

What’s NEXT?

When I hit my "breaking point" I wish I’d had access to what I've learned the past 10 years.

I’m offering a Complimentary Teleconference on July 15^th at 6 PM PST where I’ll share:

o   How to transform your physical, mental and emotional health

o   How your work and life will shift as a result

o   How YOU can start NOW

Register here: http://www.entelechycoaching.com/register.php

I’d love to hear your comments. Please share below. 

For more coaching tips please visit my webpage: http://www.entelechycoaching.com/newsletters.php or follow me on Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/gwencoach?ref=ts&fref=ts

Coming Out of The Closet

Well, it’s happened. I had a love affair with running since age 14. And I’m ready to come out of the closet - I don’t enjoy running anymore, at least not the way that I used to.

All this was stirred up last weekend. I was supposed to be running my first post-baby half marathon this morning. Where am I? On the couch writing while my 13 month old daughter naps.

I realize this “I do not enjoy running anymore” may change once I stop breast-feeding, once my hormones return to homeostasis, once my toddler gets a little bit older and the sleep cycles become longer. Nonetheless it’s been a daunting reality for me to accept about myself. I was always “the runner”. And my ego loved that I was always the runner. I envisioned myself running with a stroller, my tot happily swinging her feet before me. Now I am satisfied with a leisurely saunter.

My love affair started in the sixth grade as a budding lacrosse player. That stretched into high school, college and blossomed into adulthood. Tie the sneakers, hit the road and run until I couldn’t anymore, then turn around and come home. An ex-boyfriend nicknamed me Forest Gump because he said I kept running, and running and running.

Gumpin Gwen

Running was my escape. It was the way I cleared my mind from all the chatter. It was my yoga, my mode of returning to my breath. It was how I got myself sober. I loved to sweat, to feel my breath pulsing, to feel my lungs activated, to feel my muscles stretching and ecstatically sore a few hours later. Those were the highs that I used to get when I ran.

Hydrating or hungover? 

Athletically, I’d always completed what I said I would do, no matter what – a marathon with a few months of training, another marathon morbidly hung over (pre sober), a triathlon with only a month of training and completed it in a personal best time.  But it’s happened, twice now, where I didn’t follow through on an athletic goal because of being a mother.

The first, after six months of training for a Half Ironman, and only three weeks away from the race I discovered I was pregnant and decided not to participate. The morning sickness lasted 24 hours a day and I was so exhausted I had to take a nap in my car on the side of the road. Little did I know my maternal instincts had already kicked in and kicked my ass, so I gave myself the “I-am-scared-shitless”, “how-am-I-going-to-do-this-on-my-own-as-a-single-mom”, “I-don’t-want-to-fall-off-my-bike-and-lose-this-miracle-baby” and I-feel-like-I-am-going-to-vomit-24 hours-a-day” pregnancy card. 

Service with a smile

The second race that I missed because of being a mother occurred after my daughter was born and I chose not to run because I’d been up all night, for three nights in a row, with a 103-degree roasting and vomiting baby, doing lots of laundry and serving up homemade chicken soup. 

I’ve signed up for three races in the year that my daughter was born and I completed one of them, an easy 5K that I completed in my personal best time. But in all honesty, I could easily point the finger and blame the baby, but it’s not because of a sick baby, or even because I am a single working mama, even though my ego would like to use those reasons as an excuse. It’s because I don’t need to prove to myself anymore how great I am through running. Why, I asked myself? Because the memory of laboring a baby every 3-6 minutes for 25 hours and pushing her out of my body in my home, without drugs, without a husband, is still very fresh in my noggin. Here's the proof. 

Listen closely for the silent prayer... GOD, PLEASE help me!

That is the greatest and most noteworthy physical feat that I have ever put my body through. I don’t know if any race completion could compare to the unbridled, wearied and divine discomfort of watching my own hands throttle through the finish line and pulling my own baby from my body, watching her face and eyes open for the first time into mine through a crystal clear veil of water. Becoming a mother has given me the gift of knowing I am great - just because I am.

Interestingly enough, no matter how proud I am of my daughter (and my) grand opening, my ego still had to swallow its pride and accept that it didn’t need that jolt and stroking of being labeled as a runner. How could I truly accept something that was so hard to swallow? Maybe I still wanted to run? Did I really want to run?

What I thought I would look like as a mom

What I actually look like as a mom

Master coach Steve Chandler always says its not the “how to” but the “want to”, when it comes to achieving our goals. Rate your “want to” do something. If it’s an 8, 9 or 10, on a scale of 1 to 10, then it means I really want it. So I tested out his theory.  

Do I want to be a great mom to my daughter? 10.

Do I want to provide for my daughter? 10.

Do I want to continue living spiritually and connected with God? 10.

Do I want to continue to learn and be a great coach to my clients? – 10.

Do I want to be in partnership as much as I wanted to become a mother? – 10.

Do I want to spend as much time with my family and friends, enjoying life? – 10.

Do I want to remain sober, healthy, conscious and in love with my life? – 10.

Do I want to spend my time running? – 3.

Content and sweaty after an easy 3 miler

And there it is. It was that simple. The want to wasn’t there so the how to would be a futile effort and waste of time. Running wasn’t one of my priorities, at least not right now in my life, even though I feel like it should be or I want it to be. The reality is, its not. Maybe that love affair will return some day. But for now, being honest with myself that it isn’t one of my priorities is freeing. 

Bare Bones

I have been without my personal belongings for six weeks. And they're not coming back. And you know what, I feel free. I never realized until now how attached I was to my home, furniture, friends, clothes, books, kitchen, even tchotchkes, and how these items defined who I was.


As I traveled 2000 miles from home with my newborn daughter, her car seat and a small suitcase in tow, I was thinking this small cartel would be plenty for one or two weeks. But as one week turned into two and then three, I started to freak out. No stroller. No furniture. No books. 


I didn't have the clothes that made me feel like a "pretty" woman. I didn't have the work station that made me feel like a "productive" entrepreneur. I didn't have the friends that made me feel like I was being supported by a "pillar". I didn't have the Pacific Ocean and beach backdrop that made me feel like a "peaceful" person.

Not having these "things" forced me to discover who I was without anything I could call my own. A few outfits, toiletries, laptop and cell phone. I felt lonely and dull and started to question myself...

Was I a woman because of my stylish clothes, jewelry and shoes? Or did not having any of these things challenge me to refresh my inner beauty and solidify my confidence and from the inside out?

Was I an entrepreneur lazily relying on the connections I'd already built? Or was this exactly the inspiration I needed to start creating, stretch into something new and out of my comfort zone?

Was I happy because of the ocean and friends who shared the same views as me? Or was it time to meet people, travel to new landscapes and learn new things?

Its been two weeks since posing these options and you know what, I've discovered that all I really need is myself and my daughter. That is being bare boned. That is free.

Test It and Track It

As a consultant in pharmaceutical research, I learned early to test and track outcomes before making a conclusion. 

Only by testing something over time and tracking an average was I able to determine if a product or device worked.

I apply this same skill to my life. When I am afraid to make a change to my business, spiritual practice or even exercise and eating habits, I will test and track the change over time before I decide that it is useful.  

I assign a number on a scale of 1 through 10, each day for one week.  If at the end of the week I notice that I’ve rated an overall improvement towards a 10, then I have more confidence making a change that at first seemed scary. 

This is how I was able to remove alcohol, sugar, and wheat from my diet. 

This is how I was able to overcome a fear of swimming and drowning. 

This is how I was able to train for a Half Ironman. 

This is how I was able to heal conditions that doctors said were incurable. 

This is how I was able to find happiness and peace.

Test it and track it before making a decision. At least then you'll have evidence for your choice, whatever it may be. 

I'd love to hear if there is something that you want to change but have been afraid to take action?